If You Don't Accept Yourself, Nobody Else Will Either
On what do we base self-acceptance? Under what circumstances do you say; “You’re doing well. You are making the right choices. You rock!”?
Unless you are on the path of self healing you are unlikely to utter any such glorifications about yourself. If you do, it is in agreement when someone else directs it towards you. Basically you feel you need permission from someone else or any other external factor to show yourself appreciation, love and kindness. Let’s try something before we go on; Go to a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Take a few deep breaths and really look into yourself, then, with feeling and purpose say, “I love you!”. Repeat it a few times. How did it feel? Were you able to hold your own gaze? Were you able to show yourself love? It is tough one, isn’t it?
Due to minor and/or major traumas in the earlier parts of our lives we have raised defences in our subconscious that result in negative self talk. We limit ourselves so not to experience the pain of failure. We tell ourselves the stories that prevent us from progressing. Progress we must or else we stagnate and lose our passion and spark for life. The lack of self-acceptance inevitably creates the search of external acceptance; if others accept me, I don’t have to.
Illusion time! If you are unable to love and accept yourself, other’s will only accept you when you meet the criteria of what they expect from you. As you can see, in this situation others do not accept you, they accept the image of you they hold, which they created, not you. The only way for you to fully accepted by others is to achieve self-acceptance. Only when you accept and love yourself unconditionally will others see you for who your truly are and you will attract those that appreciate that version of yourself and they will love and acknowledge you for who you truly are.
There is no other more important process for us to live successful rich lives than to practice unconditional self-acceptance. I read a book earlier this year called “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant, and it was profound in it’s simplicity. It is a book I use in my coaching due to the very simple yet powerful messaging. The key here is that when you shift your attitude to self-acceptance and to loving yourself, you eradicate any ill opinion from the outside because to you there is no question, you are loved by the one person who really matters; you! Don’t worry, this is not going to turn you in to a narcissist, unless you already are one, in which case you already love yourself, but for all the wrong reasons. Your propensity for kindness, goodwill, love, etc. increases with your ability to love yourself, it is the ultimate perpetual motion.
Now that you are full of lust for life, passion and bliss you will engage in your work/creation without effort as you are no longer seeking the approval of everybody else. You are creating for the purpose of you own progress and evolution, not for any extrinsic values that are fleeting at best. It is your soul that is now being nurtured.
Go love yourself like your life depends on it, because it does.
Also published on Medium.